The Love Of Tech At Francis Manor

Not long after the hour of midnight, Miss Felicity Bonnington was led through the door of Francis Manor by the squire of the estate, James Headingly. The night had been stoked with barely concealed fiery passions, which during the course of dinner and dancing had smouldered in the eyes of the soon to be lovers.

Now, as James fastened the deadbolts on the door, Felicity took in the well appointed entrance hall and wondered if tonight would be the night when this classical courtship would bear corpulent fruit.

She gasped as James turned to sweep her into his arms, smiling and looking deep into her eyes. Swallowing a lump in her throat, she observed how a bluish light played over her partners face, and the sheer beauty of the moment caused a tear to run down one cheek.

'Why Felicity,' said James, his tone gentle but concern lining his face. 'What on earth is wrong?'

The young girl smiled shyly as she wiped the tear away.

'Oh do not mind my emotional ways James. It is merely the glow from the light of your BT HomeHub 5 did catch your features in a most pleasing fashion.'

'Well thank goodness this reaction was one bought on by the beauty of the situation, and not of some remorse,' James paused and grinned playfully. 'You know, my broadband speed can occasionally reach 77 megabits per second.'

'Why James!' exclaimed Felicity, blushing and pushing James away by one shoulder. 'Such talk is not suitable for the ears of a lady of good standing!' She giggled despite herself. 'If you talk of your asymmetric upload speed then I will be forced to revise my entire view of you as an upstanding gentleman.'

James laughed. 'As you wish my good lady, it shall not be mentioned. I am sure though that a woman even of your innocence must have some idea of the proportions ascribed in the ratio between upload and download speeds. Let me assure you that my assets in this regard are considerable.'

The girl blushed again, and quickly turned and looked at the rest of the hallway, as if moving away from the object of discussion would lessen her exposure to such colourful language.

'Show me the rest of your delightful abode,' she said, as if the preceding sentences had never been uttered.

James merely nodded and opened a large pair of double doors, leading to a room of rich, dark woods and plush furnishing. He gently led Felicity to a chais lounge and invited her to sit whilst he made drinks. It was as he was walking to the drinks cabinet that Felicity's eyes came to rest on a large black object mounted on the far wall.

'I say James,' she said, a tone of puzzlement in her voice. 'My eyes surely deceive me but I cannot help but think that looks remarkably like a Sharp AQUOS LED TV.'

James turned from preparing the drinks. 'Your eyes are indeed sharp, fair lady, pardon my own pun. It is the latest iteration of design, complete with NET+ Smart platform and with built in Freeview HD.'

'But that is not possible!' exclaimed the shocked woman. 'My father frequented Curries not 24 hours prior to this moment and it was stated that stock had not yet arrived from the Far East!'

James nodded sagely. 'It is true that the local merchants have been less than prompt in securing these models. I have had to resort to trading online to bring in this particular 60 inch example.'

'60 inches!' Felicity gasped. 'Excuse my raised voice but I have never seen one so large at such close quarters! When fully turned on it must be a quite magnificent sight to behold!'

'It is true that even I do not not have full control of it's functions as yet,' admitted James, somewhat sheepishly. 'It can do many astounding things that I am positive will ensure future guests experience many hours of pleasure.'

Felicity stood and made her way to the balcony at the end of the room, clutching her glass and sipping thoughtfully.

'Oh James, you have a wonderful place here. The grounds are magnificent, and so well manicured. But living alone as you do in such a location, are you not worried about intruders or poachers on your land?'

'You make a fair point, my dear, and it is to your womanly credit to think of such practical difficulties. Of course during the day Groundsman McArthur and his Alsatian guard the area, but at night a network of Lilin LR7022E4 IP Camera's record movements around the estate.'

'The Linin LR7022E4?' queried Felicity. 'I would have thought that a man of your standing would have chosen a model such as the Swann DVR4-1260 for multi-channel video surveillance.'

'I considered the Swann, of course,' answered James. 'But the Linin model offers 1080p resolution at a surprisingly low price. Since father tightened the purse-strings one cannot be too careful in ensuring one has the best deals possible.'

Upon uttering this unarguable explanation of price/performance ratio, James turned to his future wife and recognised the look in her eyes as that of admiration and longing. Taking her by the hand, he led her back into the hallway, and up the grand curving staircase towards the master bedroom, pausing briefly to notice the good lady inadvertently bite her bottom lip at the sight of the aforementioned HomeHub.

On the landing James pushed open the bedroom door, but Felicity paused, looking at an occasional table on the corner of which rested a small phone handset.

'Once again James, the elegance of your choice does you great credit.'

James paused and smiled. 'Yes, the Panasonic TG8063 DECT is a cordless phone answering system with caller ID/call waiting. It's really rather pleasant.'

'James, you arouse strange, warm feelings in me with such talk. Your BT master socket must be capable of such throughput. I cannot begin to imagine the skill with which you must handle all your equipment!'

'What is more,' enthused James, caught up in the moment. 'I purchased the triple-pack with two additional handsets so that three people could interact together on the same call, listening to what each other has to say as well as the voice of the external caller.'

Felicity's eyes hardened. 'A three-way interaction? Well, James! I have never before heard of such depravity. And to involve an innocent from the outside too! This is too much!'

'But it was all so easy to set up!' blurted James, suddenly rocked by this unexpected faux pas. 'It is surely as easy to flick a couple of additional switches for the sake of a better user experience, don't you see?'

The frown remained on Felicity's face. 'I shall find the spare bedroom tonight James. In the morning you can escort me back to my family. There is much to consider between us.'

With that, Felicity gathered herself and marched away, leaving James standing shocked beside his inactive handset. He sighed, and leant resignedly against the wall, and uttered under his breath;

'I knew I should have stuck with the twin pack.'